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Beginnings and Ends

The other day, I happened upon a blog of a stranger struggling through a breakup, and her writing moved me. It wasn’t that her posts were impeccably crafted, or even particularly insightful, but that they were so nakedly honest; no riddles, no posturing, no defenses. She was so honest it was painful to read. A broken heart isn’t a dignified condition, but we try. She didn’t seem to try, and stripped bare of pride and pretense, what was left was her plain writing full with the heartache that comes with loving someone who doesn’t love you back.

There’s a part of me that wishes I could be as open about my personal life as she, but I’ve never been able to, and I probably never will.

But if someone were to ask me how it feels to be in love, I would tell them this:
Being in love is like an all-consuming dream — illuminating, obfuscating, intoxicating; it sets all the world’s weariest, cheesiest clichés ablaze in flames, and makes them feel as fierce and true as the sun. There’s nothing you couldn’t overcome to be with him because there’s not much else that matters in the world when you’re in love. Just him. And when you’re with him, the seconds and minutes and hours that slip by feel like more than just time that’s passing – they’re perfect, singular moments, short and long colored reels of conversations, looks, smiles. The happiness you feel when you’re with him feels truer, more complete; the pains more poignant. Everything feels more. Being in love is wonderful. No, more than that.

And I lost it, piece by piece, over the drip of seconds and minutes and hours. The fade was slow, but it came and it went and it took whole parts of me with it until I felt like I was empty.

I’ve been living in New York for almost ten months exactly now, and when I think about that, it surprises me. Strange how a relatively short amount of time can feel so much longer than what it is.

This was written by Helen. Posted on Friday, November 18, 2011, at 03:39. Filed under Thoughts. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback.

4 Comments

  1. Eric wrote:

    I like this post..

    Friday, November 18, 2011 at 06:01 | Permalink
  2. Tuong wrote:

    I like your description. Link to the blog? I want to read your inspiration.

    Friday, November 18, 2011 at 11:22 | Permalink
  3. Helen wrote:

    Sorry, but I’d prefer not to link people to her blog. I don’t know her, and it’s pretty personal.

    Friday, November 18, 2011 at 11:48 | Permalink
  4. Karen wrote:

    I sort of guessed that you wouldn’t provide the link… otherwise you would have linked it in the blog.
    Stumbled across THIS blog. Read a few posts.

    You’re a smart girl :) Don’t even know you or your story… but be strong.

    Also… there are many different types of love. If you haven’t already, find moments where you can fall in love with the moment (whether it’s by being with your friends, family, or even just looking at nature sometimes, or the surreal amount of people) and they will surely pop up.

    Anyway, autumn makes most people nostalgic. I swear. >_>

    Wednesday, November 23, 2011 at 14:32 | Permalink

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